Bye Summer! It's Been Real...

As summer comes to an end, I want to take a second to recap what I love about the season and what I loved about this particular summer.

Summer (in general) 

• BBQs- which we need more of next year. 
• Beach days- we only had one REAL beach day this year. Real meaning an ocean beach day. Add it to the list of more for next year. 
• Flowers- I love, love, love taking pictures of flowers. My favorite is capturing all the little critters on them. 
• Getting the kids outside- I don't think this one needs explanation. I love when Dillan gets outside and explores instead of just hanging around the house. 
• Camping- One of my favorite things to do. 

This past summer

• Making Adjustments- As much as having Whitney here has been crazy, it has been much more wonderful. Seeing Dillan love on her just melts my heart. Adding her to our family just makes me feel complete. 
• Time with Cousins- This summer we got to see my nieces and nephews more often than usual and it was awesome to watch the kids all grow up together. 
• Seeing My Girls- I got to see my best friends 5 different times this summer. This is, by far, a record over the last few years and I can't wait to see them again. Getting our kids together after growing up with them for the last 25 years, is something so surreal. 
• Daddy and Dillan Bonding- There is something about a Dad and his son working together on things that just makes you feel all warm inside. 

I'm sure I'll be back to add to this list as they come to me, but Dillan is currently hanging off my arm so the post must end now. 

Where did all my knowledge go??

So Whitney is officially 3 months old. Where did the time go??? I feel like she hasn't been here anywhere close to that long, yet I feel like she has been here forever. 

Baby #2 is such a different journey that Baby#1. I feel like all the things that went so smoothly with Dillan are blowing up in my face when it comes to Whitney. She is still co-sleeping, which may not seem like a big deal to some parents, but in our house, we like our kids to at least start out in their own space at bedtime. She is tough cookie when it comes to change and she will scream until she can barely catch her breath so getting her in her crib has been more of a challenge than we anticipated. I am all for letting them cry it out, but only to an extent. She far surpasses my limit. EVERY. TIME. 

Also, Hubster and I need some time to ourselves since he isn't home all that often. I am starting to feel like we are losing our communication a little and that scares me. It takes a lot of work on a regular basis to keep communication going strong and when it slips away for a even the smallest amount of time, it takes loads of work to get it back where it should be. We were really good at keeping time for ourselves when we had Dillan, but this time around it has certainly been more difficult. It would help if we had more than my mom to help us out, but this is another post entirely... 

Whitney has zero schedule and I feel like that is because we are still breastfeeding. It is hard to put EBF  babies on a schedule and Dillan was formula fed from about 2 months on. It made a world of difference  and I prided myself on getting him into a routine early on. It worked for us and it seemed to make him a more even tempered kid. When his scheduled was thrown off, he could become a monster (which may be a bad thing that he can't adjust well), but I think it helped him in the long run. 

So, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to remedy some of these things that are stressing me out. One thing: I need to chill the crap out. I am way too worried about things that are just unimportant. ie. All the laundry does not NEED to be done all the time. Hubster and I have been discussing our communication A LOT lately, which I suppose is the best way to start improving it. So, we will get there, I guess. And, moving Whitney to a crib is going to involve a lot of crying, from both of us, and I just need to mentally prepare myself and get through a couple weeks of hell. Wooosaaahhh.... 

The real big one is the breastfeeding. I haven't come to terms with moving to formula and pumping just doesn't yield the amount I need to keep her satisfied and growing healthily. Did I mention she also won't take a bottle?? We have tried eight different bottles and I think its just going to be a matter of being consistent. She has an exceptionally hard time taking a bottle from me, which is difficult since I am the only one around to feed her during the week. I think getting her to take one from me will require me to stop breastfeeding all together and making the bottle her only option. It makes sense on paper, right? For some reason, maybe because I know this is the last time I will be breastfeeding EVER, I am having a hard time moving on from it. BUT, I know logically, that if I fix the feeding issue, it will help with both the schedule and the sleeping. Hmmm.... mommy problems. 

How Time Passes

Goodness Gracious! It feels good to be typing out a blog. As you can tell from my two month absence, life with the new little diva took is taking a lot more adjustment than I had anticipated. Lots has changed  around here for everyone. 

Momma Update: I am an emotional rollercoaster ride that my family can't get off. Overall, I am better than I was with Dillan. But when the breakdowns hit me, they take a bit to get back into the swing of things. I thought I had no time before, but gosh, I had all the time in the world. I feel guilty almost all the time because there is a constant pull from both of them needing me and Whitney usually gets my attention. 

Physically, I am a hot mess. I always lose weight with my pregnancies (which is nice), but the struggle is not to put in back on when the exhausted, stuff- your- face-when- you- can,  no-time- for- anything-exercise-related lifestyle takes its toll again. I am trying to find workouts to do at home, but the little time I do have free, I will find any excuse to just sit still for a millisecond.  And, tell you what, healthy food, is not food you can shove down your throat while balancing an infant and a toddler. At my 6 week appointment, I was at 172. I'm putting it out there for at least some accountability. If that number goes down, believe me you will hear about it. If it goes in another direction, that will be the last we speak of weight around here. 

Daddy Update: Bless his heart for still being here. I am bat shit crazy, but on top of that, Dillan has attached himself to Daddy like a parasite. If he is home, Dillan is touching him. Daddy has had very little time to spend with Whitney since she is pretty much always attached to me ( see Whitney Update).  He has said a number of times that he feels like he hasn't bonded with the baby yet. That was one of my biggest fears for myself and to see him experiencing it is breaking my heart. I think once he able to feed her and she is awake more than just when she is eating, it will get better. He has had to take on a lot of the bedtime duties with Dillan that I used to do and I certainly have been needing more help around the house. He has been amazing! 

Dillan Update: He is not adjusting as well as I would have hoped. He is acting out for attention and his  attitude toward me has changed drastically since the baby arrived. Being with the kids all day, everyday  and seeing/feeling such a change in our relationship for the time being has no doubt added to bouts of guilt and anxiety. On the other hand, he idolizes his Daddy. And, he absolutely adores his new sister. He loves to snuggle and love on her. He tells her how beautiful she is and it melts me heart. He also has  FINALLY started going potty!! (I'll include in another post more about that )

Whitney Update: She really is so precious. I was worried to death that I would have PPD, and by the grace of God, I haven't had any real bad issues thus far. She is absolutely beautiful and her smile is to die for which is nice because something has to make up for the amount of time she spends attached to my chest. The girl can eat non-stop yet she is such a peanut. We go for her two-month checkup in a few days, but at her one month she was 9 lbs 4 oz  and only 21 and a 1/2 inches. 

She is a lot different from Dillan in that she needs to be tended to all the time. Dillan was very content to be set down and Whitney is a needy little lady. She is a diva. Period. She hasn't gotten totally used to anyone but me yet, even Daddy, because I am still the one tending to and feeding her most of the time. Hopefully, we can start getting Daddy some bottle-feeding time soon, but she has been pretty dead set against taking a bottle yet. 

Luckily, as much as Dillan adores her, she thinks he is pretty awesome right back. He can stop her cry dead in its tracks if he starts being silly or trying to engage her. It is truly something special to see your kids being kind to one another. 

She's here!

Whitney Marie Roschak arrived on May 23rd @ 8:24 AM. She was 7 lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. We are so in love. Going from one child to two is pretty crazy. All the fear you have before they arrive disappears and you realize just how much love you can have for your children, all of them. It is truly a feeling like none other. So... here's the birth story.

Wednesday, May 22nd, Hubster went to work and they sent him home. He works as a UPS driver and they were having to keep an extra guy on hand just incase he got the call and had to meet me at the hospital. It was nice to have him home since I was exhausted all the time. We had a nice day at the park and the play place. We got some shopping done and spent the day with us three together. (So thankful for a good day together that day!) 

I had been having contractions all week, so the fact that I had been having them all day didn't make me any more excited. Around 8 PM or so I noticed that the contractions were getting pretty regular, about 4- 6 minutes apart. They weren't at all painful though, just a bit uncomfortable. By 10, they were getting stronger but no closer. 

I called my mom around midnight and asked her to come up just in case they decided to get worse or closer. I thought it would be easier just to have her here instead of waking Dillan and such. She lives about 25 minutes from my house. She didn't end up getting here until almost 1:30 AM. By that time, I couldn't barely walk or even breathe through the contractions, but they weren't really any closer. 

Hubster and I left for the hospital and the ride down ( about 25 minutes) was brutal. They were coming every 3 minutes and they were getting very painful. 

We got to the hospital around 2 and we were in triage soon thereafter. When I was in labor with Dillan, I was having good contractions that sent us to the hospital and upon arrival I was only at 1.5 cm. I was praying that the contractions were doing something and I wasn't facing another 36 hour labor. The doctor checked me and I was at 6 cm! Woohoo! 

We were admitted, moved to a delivery room and settled in around 3 AM. At that point, I was shaking through contractions that were lasting well over a minute and opted to get an epidural. With Dillan, my epidural did not work at all. With Whitney, my epidural was textbook perfect! 

She was still very high up and not really dropping on her own so I spent a couple hours flipping every which way in the bed to get her moving down ans out. I began to feel pain again at around 8 AM so they came in and checked to see what type of progress I was making. Surprise, surprise, it was time to push. 

25 minutes of pushing and she was here! She was having some heart decels while pushing and it got a little hairy there for a second, but she came out perfect as ever. It took about 15 minutes for her to let out a good cry, but she has made up for it since then. It was the longest 15 minutes ever as I waited for the NICU team to heck her out. She had  knot in her cord which is what caused all the decels. 

Get out, Get Out, GET OUT!!!

No, but seriously, I am so done with being pregnant. I am done feeling huge. I am done being an emotional nutbag. I am done snapping at poor Dillan because my patience are spent. I am done with my vagina constantly feeling like it is being ripped apart. I am done feeling like I have to use the bathroom at all times. I. Am. Done.

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Day 22... early :)

So, today is May 21st (obviously), but I am hoping and praying that these contractions pick up and I won't be home tomorrow to blog. I was thinking about ranting about something going on lately anyhow, so why not take advantage of the blog post for tomorrow!

Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel..

I have relatively new neighbors that drive me crazy! Let me start by saying the family who lived in this unit last were AMAZING and are now very good friends of ours, so I may be a bit biased. With that being said, this is a family of 5. They have a 9 year old boy, a 5 year old girl, and a year old little boy. The condo is two down from ours and we share a good sized back yard. Whenever Dillan is outside, they are usually outside also. Usually, without their parents. It wouldn't be an issue if they were well-behaved or courteous, but they surely are not. 

The 9 year old is a huge bully to not only Dillan, but especially his siblings. Dillan sees this behavior and, at times, has even copied. I hate that I can't take him out of the situation without banning him from his own backyard. So, instead, I end up parenting, essentially, all of them when we spend time outside. They are constantly breaking his toys, spending time on our deck (which is a liability for us when we aren't there to watch them), and asking him to do things that they have repeatedly heard me ask him not to do. 

That last one is enraging. I have made it clear to Dillan that he can't be past certain points in the yard and that he isn't to be on the decks and bulkheads. When he tells them he isn't allowed to do these things, I have heard them say, "you're mom can't even see you." Umm, maybe whisper when trying to disobey me. And, just because their parents don't watch them, doesn't mean I am not standing right here watching my 3 year old. 

I am at such a loss as to what to do. PARENT YOUR OWN GODDAMN KIDS. I don't expect, or want, others parenting my kids and I don't want to have to do it for anyone else. Maybe they don't see anything wrong with how their kids are acting or treating others, but I highly doubt that anyone would think this behavior was acceptable. 

Day 17

A Favorite Picture of Myself and Why...

This picture is of Hubster and I at my little sister's wedding. We were actually only dating at this time, but I was 4 months into my pregnancy with Dillan and I was very happy. The picture itself isn't awesome of me, but I love looking at it because it reminds me of all that we had together and where it has taken us. 

A couple related, or sort of related, things that this post got me thinking about. First, I have approximately zero photos of me taken by someone else where I looking even partially acceptable. I know my mom and aunts always say that they are in none of the family photos because they are always behind the camera. I didn't realize how true that is. Anything that is worth capturing on "film" is usually noticed and done by me. I will have to make an effort to get into some of these photos so my kids, and someday grandkids (eek!), will remember that I actually did participate in their lives. 

And the second thing that this made me think about is my postpartum bod. Even from when I was younger, I don't have many pictures of myself. I was always too self-conscious or something to really pose it up. So now, when I am thinking about getting back into shape and such after the baby (eventually) gets here, there is no "I-want-to-look-like-this-again" picture. I wish I had one as inspiration, but I guess its just as well that I just get healthy and look and feel good instead of measure myself against something. Right?? 

She Will Be Here Soon...Hopefully!

I am skipping today's blog assignment because, quite frankly, I don't have time to take pictures ALL DAY LONG. And, I don't feel like it. So, I will be sharing my thoughts about pregnancy and my family at the moment... Yay! 

I am beyond ready for Little Lady to make her appearance. I am willing to try almost anything to get her out of me. BUT, I am only 38 weeks +4. (Picture at some point.) Forcing her to come out at this point is only selfish and while I don't really have an issue being selfish (especially when I feel like I do), when it comes to my kids, I feel like I have to suck it up a bit. Hubster is driving me crazy since he seems to think its okay to add days to the due date countdown. If I have 9 days left, its 2 weeks in his eyes. I don't want anyone to add even an hour to how much time I have left. I am anxious. I am scared. And, I am a loose cannon at this point so if he could just lock it up for the next however many days it takes for Little Lady to arrive, that would be fantabulous! 

I've talked about my fears of family life changing before and, even though she is almost here, my feelings haven't changed much. I am VERY anxious. More so than I ever was with Dillan. At the moment, its a little bit of fear over the baby unknowns. Will she be a "good" baby or will she be colicky as all hell? Will I feel good after the birth or is a good deal of postpartum struggle in my future? Will Hubster be as awesome with this one as he has been since day one with Dillan? Obviously, most of the things I am worried about are easily adjusted to, but it doesn't change the fact that they could be obstacles. I find it somewhat comforting that I have very little fear about the actual labor and birth. Naive? Maybe. 

Finally, there are my fears about my son. He has been my world since day 1. And, although I have given up most of the rest of my life for him and my family, Daddy has been Dillan's hero and number one guy since day 1. Now, there will be another number 1 for Mommy and Daddy and I don't know how he will handle it. My sister-in-law and my sister have infants and Dillan is so sweet and truly adores those babies. I hope that when its his sister, who lives in the home and competes for our time,  he has the same feelings. I decided that I would get a small gift for Dillan from the Little Lady. We got him a Spiderman backpack so that he could carry his own stuff with him and he doesn't have to share a bag with his sister. Silly, when I try to explain my thought process, but hopefully it will be nice. 

Dillan with his brandy-new cousin 

Day 14

So maybe this month wasn't the best for the 30 days of blogging. I just want this baby girl to get out of me and I can think of nothing else! At least the days I missed will give me ideas for future blogs... Score. 

37 weeks. I don't look huge here, but I feel it. 

Ten Things That Make You Really Happy... 

1. My son. Obviously. He is my world and the most amazing little man ever. 
2. My daughter. She isn't here yet, although I wish she was, but I already feel like she is part of this family and I can't wait to get this new chapter started. 
3. My Husband. As much as he can drive me absolutely crazy, he is one of the best things to happen to me. 
4. Adult Beverages. This makes me sound like a lush, and that may be true. But, seriously, I love nothing more than to sit down after a long day and have a nice drink, usually a beer. 
5. My best girlfriends. Each one of us has chosen a very different path in life and yet we are all still very close and ultra-supportive of each other. These five girls will be part of my life forever and I am so grateful for them. 
6. Camping. I love camping. It has to be one of the most relaxing things to do in this world. I even like the whole ordeal of set up and clean up, it makes the middle part that much more perfect. 
7.  My family. More specifically, my siblings and their kids. I love, love, love watching as we all learn this parenting thing together. Seeing Dillan with his cousins warms my heart. 
8. When Plans Go Smoothly. I know this seems like a no-brainer, but I get so frustrated that NOTHING ever goes smoothly and as planned and we are always scrambling that when something just falls into place, IT IS AMAZING! 
9. Trash TV. This seems pretty lame compared to the others on the list, but I love to sit (with an adult beverage, of course) and get completely engulfed by someone else's rich, sleezy, supernatural, or just plain boring life.
10. The Idea of Getting In Shape. That's right, just the idea. Naturally, I would like to say that getting in shape makes me really happy, and hopefully, soon I will be able to say that. But, for now, I love the idea of getting my butt back out there and feeling like I am working hard towards some results that I can see. ** Not seeing those results, though, makes me very unhappy so this is fine line. 

Day 7

The things your most afraid of... 

Heights. Hands down, my most irrational fear is heights. It is completely debilitating and I hate it, but I can't seem to overcome this phobia. I like to think that it wouldn't stop me from doing things that are amazing, once in a lifetime type experiences, but I am pretty sure I would freak the crap out and miss out on some great stuff because it was happening too high off the ground. 

Losing the people I love. This was never something that got me until more recently. A few years ago, the man I was with at the time, lost his mother to Ovarian Cancer. Even then, the enormity of losing a very close loved one was not something I feared. It wasn't until my parents divorce that I started to really fear losing my loved ones. I think I hadn't realized how much I loved what we all had and now that its changed, it just isn't the same. BUT, I still get to see everyone here and there and I am so thankful for that. I can't imagine not having one of them here with us. 

Ruining my children. There are plenty of people out there that have been permanently damaged because of something that happened in their childhoods, usually caused by their parents. I hope I can look back and say I raised strong, loving people and I didn't do anything that will hinder them in life. Hmm.... 

Day 6 and Mini Update

So its been crazy this month. Naturally, because I decided to do this crazy bloggy thing. I will still be doing it, but I'm not gonna go nuts. If I can get to it that day, good for me :) 

My sister had the most adorable little born on Saturday. Friday was a long day as they couldn't find the heartbeat at the doctor's office and the next stop was Labor and Delivery. Whelp, they found it, but they also kept her and induced. He is just precious and mama is doing well too so it ended much better than it started. Now, I am beyond ready for little lady to make her appearance! 

Mr. Lucas

So today's assignment.... If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question 'what do you do'?

Honestly, I don't think I could answer that question without including what I do. I am a wife and a mother. My entire life is what I do. I know that most people are all consumed by their jobs and it is hard to separate themselves from that defining them, but everything I do has a tie back to being one of those two things. Because my husband works such long hours, my "work week" is spent doing mostly everything that is house or family related to keep us running. I suppose if I had to add something that wasn't related to family I would say that I do way too much following of trash TV :0)

Day 3

Ok, so I did Day 1 and totally didn't realize that it was already May 2. I blame this on the fact that I am STILL carrying a child inside me and can think of nothing else! Whelp, I have a busy morning so I will come back to catch up on Day 2. But, for now, here is Day 3.

Things That Make You Uncomfortable

1. Death. I've always been very awkward when it comes to death. Attending funerals and wakes, turn me into a completely inappropriate mess of jokes and sweat. I don't know why I am SOOO uncomfortable, but I don't think this will ever pass, no matter how old I get. I figure if I am discussing death with you, and especially attending your services, you know me well enough to know I mean no disrespect, I am just a total dink that can't get it together. 

2. Meeting New Parents. Dillan has recently hit an age where he likes to find kids where ever we go and engage them as his new best friends. This usually results in me having to either sit awkwardly silent  and uncomfortably close to their parents, or strike up a surface conversation with this new addition to my day. Either way, its uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it. It makes me want to go home from the park and have a nice cold beer. 

I mean, c'mon, how could this ever be awkward around new people???

3. My family. My parents recently divorced ( 2 years ago) and getting our whole family together is beyond uncomfortable. And, the fact that I start to think about how uncomfortable it makes me, makes me even more uncomfortable. We used to all be very close and spending time together was the highlight of my days and nights out, but that has changed drastically. 

Day 1: Story of My Life in 250 Words

I was born in Kingsville, TX and moved to Massachusetts as a young child. When I was born, my family consisted of my parents, an adopted brother, a half sister and a half brother. I was the first of my mom's biologically. After me, came three more kids... a sister and two brothers. In MA, we eventually made our way to a small town outside of Worcester. This is where I grew up and what I know as home. Although recently, my parents divorced and it makes it painful to go back. 

As a kid, I was motivated, ambitious, and a total bitch. I was very athletic and involved. After high school, I went to a private college for two years. This was the biggest financial mistake of my life and I will be paying for it until I die. I eventually transferred to a state college where I finished up a degree in Business Administration while working full time.

During my last semester in college, I met a gorgeous man at the bar where I worked. Romantic meeting? Check. We hit it off pretty quickly and before even hitting the year mark, we had a surprise pregnancy. Needless to say, this changed both of our lives and turned me into who I am today. The crazy, self-analytical stay at home mom of a three year old who finally married the man of her dreams/ guy who drives me nuts last year. We are currently expecting our second and last baby, a little lady. 

Bloggers Assignment

I can't think of what to write these days because my mind is in total "get this baby out of me" mode. So, I came across a blogger's assignment type thing and figured what the hell. So here goes.... 

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)
Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)
Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable
Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it
Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member
Day 6, Monday: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?
Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of
Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill. 
Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

Day 31, Friday: A vivid memoryA vivid memory

Third Trimester Decisions

Here I sit at almost 36 weeks and Little Lady has decided that she would like to stay breech. My doctor hasn't seemed too concerned about it, but she is very laid back about everything. She actually didn't say anything to me about it so I found out when Hubster and I went to get a 3D/4D ultrasound done. The tech that did our ultrasound was AMAZING and tried her hardest to get some good shots. I didn't realize how tough it would be to get a good shot of a breech baby. Although she really did do a good job with what she had to work with, it is disappointing that the pictures were merely okay after spending a good chunk of change to get them done. ( I will add some pictures to this post once I get to a computer that I can load them on. Dillan, being such a gem, got a DVD stuck in our laptop drive.) 

I think the tech could sense my nervousness over baby being breech so late because, before we left, she got down on the floor and showed me several stretches to get baby to turn. I have been doing the stretches she showed me several times a day, along with inverting myself off the side of any couch I am near. I hate that I can't tell what position the baby is in because I don't want to continue doing these stretches and end up turning her back after she moves head down. Hmm.... conundrum. 

So, after talking with my doctor about baby position this past week, we tried to discuss some game plans. If baby doesn't turn on her own, we have the option of trying ECV, external cephalic version. Basically, they would hook me up to monitors and try to turn the baby from the outside by working through my abdomen and uterus. It is supposed to be about 50% successful, give or take with the circumstances. I would then have to be induced directly after that procedure, which would be at about 37 or 38 weeks. The idea that 37 weeks is only next week, is both terrifying and exciting. 

Now, as most women know, induction can result in c-section, especially if your body is seriously not ready and you don't respond well to the induction. 37 or 38 weeks is early and I fear I could end in a c-section even after trying ECV. My other option would be to wait it out and see if she turns on her own by a later date, and if not, we do a c-section anyway. I didn't have a c-section with Dillan and, while I didn't think it would, the idea of going that route scares the hell out of me. Hopefully, we ( me and little lady) can figure this thing out and get her here safe and sound without totally traumatizing me. Fat chance!! 

Marathon Monday

The Boston Marathon represents everything about tradition, perseverance, and accomplishment. Marathon Monday, as most Massachusetts residents know it. Today there were two explosions at/near the finish line of the race. The idea that this day has been scarred forever is sickening. I'm trying to wrap my head around explosions happening where I once stood year after year, just streets away from where my sister stood at that exact time and just across the street from one of my best friends. The fact that so many people are sitting, waiting, for calls from loved ones makes me ache with sadness. Its horrifying how many people can feel so personally attacked by these actions. 

More than that, I am watching this coverage with a heaviness in my heart for my kids. Dillan is obviously fine as we sit here playing trains on the floor, but the world is changing and that scares me for them. The first word in your head these days is terrorist. When I was 3 years old, it was a word that I wouldn't know well until the events of 9-11, a good 13 years later. My son, and now my daughter, will grow up knowing the fear of these acts their entire lives. They will start to do what most of us adults do right now. They will look at events with a different view, with a distorted vision... waiting, wondering when something will happen again. It breaks my heart and it makes me angry. Tell your family and friends you love them, you can't say it enough. 

On a different note, watching the medical personnel and first responders run toward the explosions on this scene coverage makes you realize that while some of humanity can be truly sick and heartless, there will always be some of humanity there to fight that. My prayers are with those who were affected by the events in Boston, MA today. 

Big Boy Sleepovers

Recently, we moved Dillan into a toddler bed. He was so excited to get his new bed that he didn't even care that we were taking apart the crib to store for the baby. He had a little apprehension when we actually removed it from his room, but it lasted about two seconds. He is amazing at staying in bed despite the fact that he could roam freely if he wanted to. At night we usually put a gate up on the outside of his door so that if does decide to roam, he can't get out of his room. He still has a monitor in his room, so we can hear if anything is wrong. 

This weekend, Dillan had his cousin sleepover. We usually take my nephew for a night every couple months. Dillan is 3 and my nephew is 6, but they seem to be at the ages where they play well together. Even when the difference was more drastic and Dil was a baby, it is nice to get some time at home with our nephew. Until this visit, when it was bed time, we would put Dillan down and when he was almost asleep, we would put our nephew down. This let us visit with nephew for a few minutes with out Dillan all up in our business, but also it avoided any problems with the actual falling asleep part of bedtime. My nephew liked it because he got to stay up later :)

Well, with Dillan's new bed situation, we set up another small bed right next to Dillan's and allowed them to hit the hay at the same time. This was the most frustrating bedtime yet. It was also the cutest, by far. We had the monitor on so we could hear any issues or crying, but instead all we heard were the funniest conversations. Dillan was reading our normal bedtime books to my nephew. My nephew was telling Dillan all about his days at school. They were talking about different kinds of birds. They were talking about their pets. Oh my gosh, I wish I could have recorded it. I had to go up a few times to get them settled down and was surprised to see Dillan tip-toeing around the room, but it was cute when they both tried to defend the situation. I love how close they are staying as they grow up. Weekends like this, make both excited to have a more full home. However, I am one tired Momma after just one weekend! 

My nephew and Dil 

Isolating Journey

Being pregnant is an isolating journey. It is exciting and beautiful. It is lonely and terrifying. At least, that is my take on it at the moment. I know that I am feeling very hormonal. I am so very much more sentimental and sensitive throughout this pregnancy than I have ever been, even when pregnant with Dillan. But, at the same time, I know that a lot of these feelings are entirely normal. They are simply aspects that women try to forget or not to talk about.

Hubster is seriously an amazing man. He is always so supportive of me, but I have never felt less supported than I do right now. Yes, he could probably be doing more to help me get ready for Little Lady and make me feel more at ease, but, to be honest, just the fact he can't understand how I am feeling is my biggest problem. And, obviously, he will not be able to since he is a male so that makes me feel like I am being absolutely insane. I just want my best friend in the entire world to understand what I am going through emotionally and physically. My physical insecurities are a whole other bag of wacky that maybe I'll touch upon later.

In addition to that completely normal, yet completely irrational, issue I am having, I am just plain anxious for the arrival of Little Lady. I am only 28 weeks. I have a long way to go and if I am going to be driving myself this crazy for the next 12 weeks, Little Lady is going to be a stressed out newborn. I stress about Dillan's reaction to the new addition, my being able to fall into a new schedule when I am home very often by myself with the kids, and keeping a honest, healthy relationship with Hubster. I am sure I will make it work since it seems I always do, but I am having my moments of sheer worry.

Can't Avoid It Forever

This has been one hell of a week, and it's only Wednesday. For most of the winter, we have been able to avoid each and every sickness we've seen go through my extended family. A few weeks ago Dillan came down with something that lasted about week or so. We were hoping we were in the clear after that, but, naturally, we were not. Dillan started to feel sick Sunday night. He was complaining of a belly ache, or in his words "I can't feel all good." I gave him some tylenol before bed which usually helps to bring down any fever he gets and also gets him a better nights sleep than without it when sick. Welp, that lasted for about 10 minutes before he was throwing up all over his room. For the first time in months, he was feeling so sick that he came to bed with us. He loves to sleep with us, but the kid loves his own space. He's never been one to fight going into his own bed. 

Monday he woke up and was feeling better, still no fevers or anything. We had a school thing to go to and he was excited and peppy for it so I figured maybe it was just a fluke and he ate something that didn't agree with him. We got to the program and he started to play with the other kids, when all of a sudden, he started to feel sick again and was burning up. We left with a quickness and he spent all afternoon getting sick. 

Both yesterday and today,  he has been feeling good. Acting more like himself, an angry and defiant three year old with glimpses of my sweet little man. But, then today, while visiting my sister. It hit him again, not the fever, but the upset stomach. Goodness, I cannot figure this thing out and weeks like this make me question my abilities as a Momma! 

Monday Morning Marvels- Take 3

Another week down in this pregnancy! It seems like it will be forever and a day until I get to meet my Little Lady. It is amazing how slow time seems to be passing when I think about my pregnancy and how fast it seems to be passing when I look at Dillan growing, yet it is happening at the same time. Very surreal. 

On Saturday, I had my book club. My childhood girlfriends and I started a book club so that we would be on a more regular schedule of seeing each other. If we have something planned to see each other, it just makes it more of a commitment and gets more of us there. There are six of us and we change the location to someone else's house each time. But, it is still tough because we live anywhere from northern Massachusetts to Central Pennsylvania. I am really enjoying the book club aspect just as much as I am enjoying the company. Getting to read books that I NEVER would choose on my own has been really awesome. 

So, what are we marveling today??

1. My friends. Usually we spend the whole weekend together, talking about the book for maybe a night. This weekend, we could only meet for a Saturday. Getting out of the house and seeing the ladies that have supported me for the last 20 years always makes my heart smile. It makes me feel so, so blessed to have those friendships and even more blessed to know they will always be there. They even had a mini baby sprinkle for me! 

You'd think I could find one with all of us. 

2. Our health. We have been hit with the stomach bug, not once, not even twice, but three times in the last couple weeks. I am so looking forward to a point where this cold season is over and we can get outside and get some fresh air. Dillan is exhausting when he is healthy. He doesn't stop moving or talking for two seconds, but I would take that over this any day! 

I'm sure there is more, but I am exhausted from cleaning up after a sick little man!

Day out in the city

Today is Dillan's birthday! I can't believe how big my little man is getting. It seems like just yesterday he was born. It makes me realize how fast this time really is passing! 

Since Hubster was on vacation this past week we tried to do some fun things with Dillan before Little Lady arrives. One of our adventures was taking him into Boston. We have been wanting to do this for a while and it was always just bad timing. Dillan was so excited to ride the subway. We decided to drive closer into Boston and take a shorter train ride. At first, Dillan was really nervous about being on the train since it was loud and shaky. I was proud of us for making a good decision to drive part of the way. But, naturally, by the time we were headed back to the car, he could have been on that train for days and was sad it didn't take longer. My bad.

While in Boston, we visited the aquarium. Normally, the cost is pretty outrageous, about $25 a person  on average, and not something we would pay. We used the museum passes from the library and our tickets were only $10! Every parent should check out their local library. Not only are the passes a great resource, but they have so many activities for kids that are really awesome. Dillan loved the aquarium. He is little and doesn't care too much for a lot of the exhibits, but the ones that caught his attention were well worth it. He got to touch some really cool animals including sting rays, sharks, and crabs. It was really an awesome time! 

Some days I get nervous about doing things like this on my own while toting another little one around with me in a few months, but this outing went so smoothly that it makes me feel like I could do this with no problems at all. It's a good day when you get a small boost of confidence like that! 

Back to Reality

This past week was amazing and, in turn, the blog has been slow. Ooops.

Hubster had the week off from work so we got to indulge in some much needed family time. We got to do some fun things with Dillan that we had been hoping to do before the Little Lady gets here. I will get back to that in another post though :) 

It just so happens that both Valentine's Day and our anniversary fell on his vacation. Our anniversary is the day before Cupid's day so it made for a love filled week. We have never really been the type of people to go over the top for Valentine's day. We always get each other a card and maybe a cute valentine candy item. This year, I got flowers and he got a M&M dressed as Boba Fett. (He is a Star Wars crazy! ) I really enjoyed the day this year because it was the first time that Dillan is really getting the whole holiday craze. We made valentines for his Gramma and Nana and he loved it. We got him some new books and a little bit of chocolate and he was over the moon. It was too cute! 

As for our anniversary, this is year one. We decided that, instead of getting gifts for each other, we would pay to get a 3D/ 4D ultrasound done. I know that a lot of people would disagree with our decision and say that our lives revolve around the kids so we should take our anniversary for ourselves. I would agree with that view most of the time, but we got free 3D pictures with Dillan and I don't want to miss out on that memory with Little Lady. Also, the gifts we would have bought would have been things we didn't need and probably wouldn't use so this is route we decided to go. And next year, we'll just have to go extra big on ourselves. 

Our Wedding Day

As for the rest of the vacation, we got a ton of stuff done. We got the shelving that I wanted for the kids room and changed Dillan's crib to a toddler bed. (I will get back to this too!) Getting things moving in the direction of being ready for baby is making me feel so much more at peace. It's great.

Now, its back to the normal schedule of cleaning, cooking and entertaining a toddler. Monday Marvels will be back next week once I get back in my groove! 

Our Crafty Blizzard

The Blizzard of 2013.  In Massachusetts, we are so used to the forecasts that predict we will be snowed in for days that when another comes, it usually goes by dropping a relatively small amount of snow and our schedule goes on without a hiccup. This was different. We really did get a ton of snow, 2.5 feet to be exact. Some towns around us got almost 3 feet.

Both Hubster and myself are the type of people that as soon as we can get out of the house, especially after a storm, we get out, even if for a quick ride to the store. But, this time, there was a driving ban in place, punishable with up to a year in prison or a $500 fine. Needless to say, we were not venturing out. It's not that we don't like spending time at home together as a family, its just that we don't like the idea of being told we can't leave and HAVING to stay somewhere. Stubborn asses, I know.

We went out to shovel and Dillan came with us, but he is entirely not a fan of the snow and cold so he spent majority of the time sheltered in the garage. Playing in the snow is never an option in this house, maybe with the next one. 

So, what did we do with our time.... ? Crafts. Lots of crafts. The first one we did was painting. I drew on white paper with white crayon, also known as the "magic" crayon. Then, Dillan painted over the drawings with water colors to revel what was magically hidden. Our sub-par results...

The next craft was Valentine's Day gifts for Grandma. We made Dillan Hugs. We traced Dillan's hands on construction paper and cut them out. Then, we measured finger tip to finger tip with ribbon. We glued the hands on each side of the ribbon and added some hearts. We included a little note so Grandma understands she is holding a homemade hug from Dillan :) Of course, we practiced on Daddy's Valentine. 

Baby Names

Naming kids is probably one of the most unrealized stresses of pregnancy. Growing up, little girls are always naming their dolls and thinking of names for their own kids. But, when push comes to shove, naming is really difficult. Not only is it a big decision, that is only made more confusing with the increased indecisiveness of pregnancy, you also have to take into consideration your spouse's opinions. Luckily, for us, Hubster and I agree on most of our names.

Dillan wasn't named until we were basically walking out of the hospital to bring him home. We went in to the delivery with a short list of names, but none of them seemed to fit and we weren't leaning toward any one over the others. After spending the first few hours with him, we started to really fall in love with the name Dillan, but we couldn't figure out if we really liked any of the spellings. Let me tell you, deciding anything directly after pushing a child out of you is a joke. I was so indecisive, crying at any suggestion and any non-suggestions. We spent our second day in the hospital researching what the most masculine spelling of Dillan was and as we were packing up to go home, they came by to MAKE us fill out the birth certificate paperwork. I wish it wasn't something that we had to spend time stressing over the first few days and I am trying my hardest to be more prepared this time around. Keeping in mind that my efforts are probably pretty futile.

Dillan, minutes after arriving 

Few days later 

Hubster and I have agreed on a couple names for Little Lady, but our plan is still to wait until she makes her debut to finalize any decisions. Hubster, especially, needs to see her before really deciding. Well, we've been throwing them around to get a feel for them and asking Dillan which name he likes best. Within the last few weeks, Dillan has gotten stuck on one of them. He refuses to call the baby by anything else and when we offer up any other names, he adamantly tells us we are calling her by the wrong name. So, if Dillan is stuck on a name, are we? Do we now have to use that name? It's not as though it's a name we weren't considering anyway, but if we feel like we would like to use the other name, I want to be able to do so.