Bye Summer! It's Been Real...

As summer comes to an end, I want to take a second to recap what I love about the season and what I loved about this particular summer.

Summer (in general) 

• BBQs- which we need more of next year. 
• Beach days- we only had one REAL beach day this year. Real meaning an ocean beach day. Add it to the list of more for next year. 
• Flowers- I love, love, love taking pictures of flowers. My favorite is capturing all the little critters on them. 
• Getting the kids outside- I don't think this one needs explanation. I love when Dillan gets outside and explores instead of just hanging around the house. 
• Camping- One of my favorite things to do. 

This past summer

• Making Adjustments- As much as having Whitney here has been crazy, it has been much more wonderful. Seeing Dillan love on her just melts my heart. Adding her to our family just makes me feel complete. 
• Time with Cousins- This summer we got to see my nieces and nephews more often than usual and it was awesome to watch the kids all grow up together. 
• Seeing My Girls- I got to see my best friends 5 different times this summer. This is, by far, a record over the last few years and I can't wait to see them again. Getting our kids together after growing up with them for the last 25 years, is something so surreal. 
• Daddy and Dillan Bonding- There is something about a Dad and his son working together on things that just makes you feel all warm inside. 

I'm sure I'll be back to add to this list as they come to me, but Dillan is currently hanging off my arm so the post must end now. 

Where did all my knowledge go??

So Whitney is officially 3 months old. Where did the time go??? I feel like she hasn't been here anywhere close to that long, yet I feel like she has been here forever. 

Baby #2 is such a different journey that Baby#1. I feel like all the things that went so smoothly with Dillan are blowing up in my face when it comes to Whitney. She is still co-sleeping, which may not seem like a big deal to some parents, but in our house, we like our kids to at least start out in their own space at bedtime. She is tough cookie when it comes to change and she will scream until she can barely catch her breath so getting her in her crib has been more of a challenge than we anticipated. I am all for letting them cry it out, but only to an extent. She far surpasses my limit. EVERY. TIME. 

Also, Hubster and I need some time to ourselves since he isn't home all that often. I am starting to feel like we are losing our communication a little and that scares me. It takes a lot of work on a regular basis to keep communication going strong and when it slips away for a even the smallest amount of time, it takes loads of work to get it back where it should be. We were really good at keeping time for ourselves when we had Dillan, but this time around it has certainly been more difficult. It would help if we had more than my mom to help us out, but this is another post entirely... 

Whitney has zero schedule and I feel like that is because we are still breastfeeding. It is hard to put EBF  babies on a schedule and Dillan was formula fed from about 2 months on. It made a world of difference  and I prided myself on getting him into a routine early on. It worked for us and it seemed to make him a more even tempered kid. When his scheduled was thrown off, he could become a monster (which may be a bad thing that he can't adjust well), but I think it helped him in the long run. 

So, I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to remedy some of these things that are stressing me out. One thing: I need to chill the crap out. I am way too worried about things that are just unimportant. ie. All the laundry does not NEED to be done all the time. Hubster and I have been discussing our communication A LOT lately, which I suppose is the best way to start improving it. So, we will get there, I guess. And, moving Whitney to a crib is going to involve a lot of crying, from both of us, and I just need to mentally prepare myself and get through a couple weeks of hell. Wooosaaahhh.... 

The real big one is the breastfeeding. I haven't come to terms with moving to formula and pumping just doesn't yield the amount I need to keep her satisfied and growing healthily. Did I mention she also won't take a bottle?? We have tried eight different bottles and I think its just going to be a matter of being consistent. She has an exceptionally hard time taking a bottle from me, which is difficult since I am the only one around to feed her during the week. I think getting her to take one from me will require me to stop breastfeeding all together and making the bottle her only option. It makes sense on paper, right? For some reason, maybe because I know this is the last time I will be breastfeeding EVER, I am having a hard time moving on from it. BUT, I know logically, that if I fix the feeding issue, it will help with both the schedule and the sleeping. Hmmm.... mommy problems. 

How Time Passes

Goodness Gracious! It feels good to be typing out a blog. As you can tell from my two month absence, life with the new little diva took is taking a lot more adjustment than I had anticipated. Lots has changed  around here for everyone. 

Momma Update: I am an emotional rollercoaster ride that my family can't get off. Overall, I am better than I was with Dillan. But when the breakdowns hit me, they take a bit to get back into the swing of things. I thought I had no time before, but gosh, I had all the time in the world. I feel guilty almost all the time because there is a constant pull from both of them needing me and Whitney usually gets my attention. 

Physically, I am a hot mess. I always lose weight with my pregnancies (which is nice), but the struggle is not to put in back on when the exhausted, stuff- your- face-when- you- can,  no-time- for- anything-exercise-related lifestyle takes its toll again. I am trying to find workouts to do at home, but the little time I do have free, I will find any excuse to just sit still for a millisecond.  And, tell you what, healthy food, is not food you can shove down your throat while balancing an infant and a toddler. At my 6 week appointment, I was at 172. I'm putting it out there for at least some accountability. If that number goes down, believe me you will hear about it. If it goes in another direction, that will be the last we speak of weight around here. 

Daddy Update: Bless his heart for still being here. I am bat shit crazy, but on top of that, Dillan has attached himself to Daddy like a parasite. If he is home, Dillan is touching him. Daddy has had very little time to spend with Whitney since she is pretty much always attached to me ( see Whitney Update).  He has said a number of times that he feels like he hasn't bonded with the baby yet. That was one of my biggest fears for myself and to see him experiencing it is breaking my heart. I think once he able to feed her and she is awake more than just when she is eating, it will get better. He has had to take on a lot of the bedtime duties with Dillan that I used to do and I certainly have been needing more help around the house. He has been amazing! 

Dillan Update: He is not adjusting as well as I would have hoped. He is acting out for attention and his  attitude toward me has changed drastically since the baby arrived. Being with the kids all day, everyday  and seeing/feeling such a change in our relationship for the time being has no doubt added to bouts of guilt and anxiety. On the other hand, he idolizes his Daddy. And, he absolutely adores his new sister. He loves to snuggle and love on her. He tells her how beautiful she is and it melts me heart. He also has  FINALLY started going potty!! (I'll include in another post more about that )

Whitney Update: She really is so precious. I was worried to death that I would have PPD, and by the grace of God, I haven't had any real bad issues thus far. She is absolutely beautiful and her smile is to die for which is nice because something has to make up for the amount of time she spends attached to my chest. The girl can eat non-stop yet she is such a peanut. We go for her two-month checkup in a few days, but at her one month she was 9 lbs 4 oz  and only 21 and a 1/2 inches. 

She is a lot different from Dillan in that she needs to be tended to all the time. Dillan was very content to be set down and Whitney is a needy little lady. She is a diva. Period. She hasn't gotten totally used to anyone but me yet, even Daddy, because I am still the one tending to and feeding her most of the time. Hopefully, we can start getting Daddy some bottle-feeding time soon, but she has been pretty dead set against taking a bottle yet. 

Luckily, as much as Dillan adores her, she thinks he is pretty awesome right back. He can stop her cry dead in its tracks if he starts being silly or trying to engage her. It is truly something special to see your kids being kind to one another. 

She's here!

Whitney Marie Roschak arrived on May 23rd @ 8:24 AM. She was 7 lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. We are so in love. Going from one child to two is pretty crazy. All the fear you have before they arrive disappears and you realize just how much love you can have for your children, all of them. It is truly a feeling like none other. So... here's the birth story.

Wednesday, May 22nd, Hubster went to work and they sent him home. He works as a UPS driver and they were having to keep an extra guy on hand just incase he got the call and had to meet me at the hospital. It was nice to have him home since I was exhausted all the time. We had a nice day at the park and the play place. We got some shopping done and spent the day with us three together. (So thankful for a good day together that day!) 

I had been having contractions all week, so the fact that I had been having them all day didn't make me any more excited. Around 8 PM or so I noticed that the contractions were getting pretty regular, about 4- 6 minutes apart. They weren't at all painful though, just a bit uncomfortable. By 10, they were getting stronger but no closer. 

I called my mom around midnight and asked her to come up just in case they decided to get worse or closer. I thought it would be easier just to have her here instead of waking Dillan and such. She lives about 25 minutes from my house. She didn't end up getting here until almost 1:30 AM. By that time, I couldn't barely walk or even breathe through the contractions, but they weren't really any closer. 

Hubster and I left for the hospital and the ride down ( about 25 minutes) was brutal. They were coming every 3 minutes and they were getting very painful. 

We got to the hospital around 2 and we were in triage soon thereafter. When I was in labor with Dillan, I was having good contractions that sent us to the hospital and upon arrival I was only at 1.5 cm. I was praying that the contractions were doing something and I wasn't facing another 36 hour labor. The doctor checked me and I was at 6 cm! Woohoo! 

We were admitted, moved to a delivery room and settled in around 3 AM. At that point, I was shaking through contractions that were lasting well over a minute and opted to get an epidural. With Dillan, my epidural did not work at all. With Whitney, my epidural was textbook perfect! 

She was still very high up and not really dropping on her own so I spent a couple hours flipping every which way in the bed to get her moving down ans out. I began to feel pain again at around 8 AM so they came in and checked to see what type of progress I was making. Surprise, surprise, it was time to push. 

25 minutes of pushing and she was here! She was having some heart decels while pushing and it got a little hairy there for a second, but she came out perfect as ever. It took about 15 minutes for her to let out a good cry, but she has made up for it since then. It was the longest 15 minutes ever as I waited for the NICU team to heck her out. She had  knot in her cord which is what caused all the decels. 

Get out, Get Out, GET OUT!!!

No, but seriously, I am so done with being pregnant. I am done feeling huge. I am done being an emotional nutbag. I am done snapping at poor Dillan because my patience are spent. I am done with my vagina constantly feeling like it is being ripped apart. I am done feeling like I have to use the bathroom at all times. I. Am. Done.