The Big Change

I want to say that I try to accept change and adapt, but, in all honesty, that's just not who I am. Change doesn't sit well with me, not that its necessarily easy for anyone. The big change that is going to hit my family come May is completely screwing with my head.  On top of the normal pregnancy emotions and crazy pregnancy brain, I am driving myself crazy with the worry that maybe I made the wrong decision in having another. Not that I won't absolutely love her, but I just love the dynamic our family has right now. Before we got pregnant, I only had feelings of excitement and anxiousness. I don't know why, all of a sudden, I am feeling so uneasy. It doesn't help that Hubster is keeping his excitement to himself, if there's any in him at all. He only expresses his fears about sharing time and love with another child and how he just doesn't see how he can love someone else as much as Dillan. Maybe a little positively from him would brighten the horizon, but we all work these things out our own way and I can't force him to be happy go lucky. If I could, I would force myself to be that way first.  Obviously, there is no going back now and things will be work out, because what other choice do we have. 

It is affecting my everyday life and, some days, I feel like I am completely unraveling. I am usually an extremely organized person. Lately though, holy hell I can't keep track of a thing. I lose everything and it is making me even less comfortable. Within the next couple weeks, we are going to start doing over Dillan's room and making space for all things baby. Hopefully, making moves and getting ready will help settle some nerves. I am sure these are normal fears, at least that's what I am telling myself. 

Also, I feel selfish because my fears have very little to do with my son. Not that I am not thinking about him, I totally am, I just think he will adjust beautifully. He is so sweet with babies and he has all of his cousins get new babies in the past. A good friend just had a new baby and he is only intrigued more. I know there will be the normal issue of sharing his things and his space, but I grew up with 6 siblings we made it through just fine. Oh worries, why must you haunt me??