How Time Passes

Goodness Gracious! It feels good to be typing out a blog. As you can tell from my two month absence, life with the new little diva took is taking a lot more adjustment than I had anticipated. Lots has changed  around here for everyone. 

Momma Update: I am an emotional rollercoaster ride that my family can't get off. Overall, I am better than I was with Dillan. But when the breakdowns hit me, they take a bit to get back into the swing of things. I thought I had no time before, but gosh, I had all the time in the world. I feel guilty almost all the time because there is a constant pull from both of them needing me and Whitney usually gets my attention. 

Physically, I am a hot mess. I always lose weight with my pregnancies (which is nice), but the struggle is not to put in back on when the exhausted, stuff- your- face-when- you- can,  no-time- for- anything-exercise-related lifestyle takes its toll again. I am trying to find workouts to do at home, but the little time I do have free, I will find any excuse to just sit still for a millisecond.  And, tell you what, healthy food, is not food you can shove down your throat while balancing an infant and a toddler. At my 6 week appointment, I was at 172. I'm putting it out there for at least some accountability. If that number goes down, believe me you will hear about it. If it goes in another direction, that will be the last we speak of weight around here. 

Daddy Update: Bless his heart for still being here. I am bat shit crazy, but on top of that, Dillan has attached himself to Daddy like a parasite. If he is home, Dillan is touching him. Daddy has had very little time to spend with Whitney since she is pretty much always attached to me ( see Whitney Update).  He has said a number of times that he feels like he hasn't bonded with the baby yet. That was one of my biggest fears for myself and to see him experiencing it is breaking my heart. I think once he able to feed her and she is awake more than just when she is eating, it will get better. He has had to take on a lot of the bedtime duties with Dillan that I used to do and I certainly have been needing more help around the house. He has been amazing! 

Dillan Update: He is not adjusting as well as I would have hoped. He is acting out for attention and his  attitude toward me has changed drastically since the baby arrived. Being with the kids all day, everyday  and seeing/feeling such a change in our relationship for the time being has no doubt added to bouts of guilt and anxiety. On the other hand, he idolizes his Daddy. And, he absolutely adores his new sister. He loves to snuggle and love on her. He tells her how beautiful she is and it melts me heart. He also has  FINALLY started going potty!! (I'll include in another post more about that )

Whitney Update: She really is so precious. I was worried to death that I would have PPD, and by the grace of God, I haven't had any real bad issues thus far. She is absolutely beautiful and her smile is to die for which is nice because something has to make up for the amount of time she spends attached to my chest. The girl can eat non-stop yet she is such a peanut. We go for her two-month checkup in a few days, but at her one month she was 9 lbs 4 oz  and only 21 and a 1/2 inches. 

She is a lot different from Dillan in that she needs to be tended to all the time. Dillan was very content to be set down and Whitney is a needy little lady. She is a diva. Period. She hasn't gotten totally used to anyone but me yet, even Daddy, because I am still the one tending to and feeding her most of the time. Hopefully, we can start getting Daddy some bottle-feeding time soon, but she has been pretty dead set against taking a bottle yet. 

Luckily, as much as Dillan adores her, she thinks he is pretty awesome right back. He can stop her cry dead in its tracks if he starts being silly or trying to engage her. It is truly something special to see your kids being kind to one another. 

She's here!

Whitney Marie Roschak arrived on May 23rd @ 8:24 AM. She was 7 lbs 11oz and 21 inches long. We are so in love. Going from one child to two is pretty crazy. All the fear you have before they arrive disappears and you realize just how much love you can have for your children, all of them. It is truly a feeling like none other. So... here's the birth story.

Wednesday, May 22nd, Hubster went to work and they sent him home. He works as a UPS driver and they were having to keep an extra guy on hand just incase he got the call and had to meet me at the hospital. It was nice to have him home since I was exhausted all the time. We had a nice day at the park and the play place. We got some shopping done and spent the day with us three together. (So thankful for a good day together that day!) 

I had been having contractions all week, so the fact that I had been having them all day didn't make me any more excited. Around 8 PM or so I noticed that the contractions were getting pretty regular, about 4- 6 minutes apart. They weren't at all painful though, just a bit uncomfortable. By 10, they were getting stronger but no closer. 

I called my mom around midnight and asked her to come up just in case they decided to get worse or closer. I thought it would be easier just to have her here instead of waking Dillan and such. She lives about 25 minutes from my house. She didn't end up getting here until almost 1:30 AM. By that time, I couldn't barely walk or even breathe through the contractions, but they weren't really any closer. 

Hubster and I left for the hospital and the ride down ( about 25 minutes) was brutal. They were coming every 3 minutes and they were getting very painful. 

We got to the hospital around 2 and we were in triage soon thereafter. When I was in labor with Dillan, I was having good contractions that sent us to the hospital and upon arrival I was only at 1.5 cm. I was praying that the contractions were doing something and I wasn't facing another 36 hour labor. The doctor checked me and I was at 6 cm! Woohoo! 

We were admitted, moved to a delivery room and settled in around 3 AM. At that point, I was shaking through contractions that were lasting well over a minute and opted to get an epidural. With Dillan, my epidural did not work at all. With Whitney, my epidural was textbook perfect! 

She was still very high up and not really dropping on her own so I spent a couple hours flipping every which way in the bed to get her moving down ans out. I began to feel pain again at around 8 AM so they came in and checked to see what type of progress I was making. Surprise, surprise, it was time to push. 

25 minutes of pushing and she was here! She was having some heart decels while pushing and it got a little hairy there for a second, but she came out perfect as ever. It took about 15 minutes for her to let out a good cry, but she has made up for it since then. It was the longest 15 minutes ever as I waited for the NICU team to heck her out. She had  knot in her cord which is what caused all the decels. 

Get out, Get Out, GET OUT!!!

No, but seriously, I am so done with being pregnant. I am done feeling huge. I am done being an emotional nutbag. I am done snapping at poor Dillan because my patience are spent. I am done with my vagina constantly feeling like it is being ripped apart. I am done feeling like I have to use the bathroom at all times. I. Am. Done.

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Day 22... early :)

So, today is May 21st (obviously), but I am hoping and praying that these contractions pick up and I won't be home tomorrow to blog. I was thinking about ranting about something going on lately anyhow, so why not take advantage of the blog post for tomorrow!

Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel..

I have relatively new neighbors that drive me crazy! Let me start by saying the family who lived in this unit last were AMAZING and are now very good friends of ours, so I may be a bit biased. With that being said, this is a family of 5. They have a 9 year old boy, a 5 year old girl, and a year old little boy. The condo is two down from ours and we share a good sized back yard. Whenever Dillan is outside, they are usually outside also. Usually, without their parents. It wouldn't be an issue if they were well-behaved or courteous, but they surely are not. 

The 9 year old is a huge bully to not only Dillan, but especially his siblings. Dillan sees this behavior and, at times, has even copied. I hate that I can't take him out of the situation without banning him from his own backyard. So, instead, I end up parenting, essentially, all of them when we spend time outside. They are constantly breaking his toys, spending time on our deck (which is a liability for us when we aren't there to watch them), and asking him to do things that they have repeatedly heard me ask him not to do. 

That last one is enraging. I have made it clear to Dillan that he can't be past certain points in the yard and that he isn't to be on the decks and bulkheads. When he tells them he isn't allowed to do these things, I have heard them say, "you're mom can't even see you." Umm, maybe whisper when trying to disobey me. And, just because their parents don't watch them, doesn't mean I am not standing right here watching my 3 year old. 

I am at such a loss as to what to do. PARENT YOUR OWN GODDAMN KIDS. I don't expect, or want, others parenting my kids and I don't want to have to do it for anyone else. Maybe they don't see anything wrong with how their kids are acting or treating others, but I highly doubt that anyone would think this behavior was acceptable.